pt2 the words
Re-watching the self-tapes (or attempted self tapes) that I shot in the past year was an oddly valuable and cathartic experience. Odd because I can vividly remember feeling stressed, tired, and/or neurotic while taping some of them.
Auditioning is one of those things we haven’t gotten quite right yet. Not sure if there is a “right” way to find the perfect actor for a role... But our current system has a tough time bringing out the best performance from an actor.
Casting directors attempt to send out breakdowns as soon as possible, they create a comforting space for actors to share their work, and they give words of affirmation - all in attempt to bring out the best audition from the actor. However, they incite stress on us actors as well. Not because we think they are against us (we know, they are very much for us) but because we know they want the best. The best in this case is an actor that nails this character, is directable, and personable - anyone can look at that actor and say “yes, that character is DEFINITELY within her/him”. We want the best too, of course… We want truth and realness. However, casting director or otherwise - people have an extremely tough time sticking their necks out for other people, and they do it almost never. They hope for a grounded actor - ask for our “bold” and “risk” so we can be their safe option. Everyone wants to be good at their job, so to give a producer a tape that isn’t performance ready is unacceptable. They may have to do another search or even worse lose a client.
We know the stakes. So it’s our job to breathe and just do the work - just do our best.
Sometimes when I’m asked “What have you been doing?” or “What have you been up to?” the response is “Auditioning” then silence. I feel weird… as if I lied or that wasn’t enough. When that’s not the case. I really want to say “AUDITIONING. I’m creating and working on characters that the world may never see. That takes time, energy, and attention.”
And that trio comes together to create the work. It’s immensely important for actors and artists to embrace the pieces we may not like while doing the work we love. It’s important that we allow the laughs, risks, and mania that comes with the process to consume us. We’re still doing the thing.
“To journey happily may well be better than to arrive successfully”
It’s easy to forget that. It’s easy to forget you’re still creating something of immense value, you’re still growing, you’re still exercising your creative and curious soul.
What’s yours is yours, there is no losing it. Play with abandon.